Ever feel queasy about oversharing on social media?
Last week I attended “Small”, an event put on by the brilliant small business owners, Kate Stokes of Coco Flip and Elise Heslop of Plyroom as part of Melbourne Design Week. After a really insightful and inspiring discussion from a panel of design and business experts, I got talking to a bunch of small biz owners, about everything we (all) go through when starting, or scaling, a business.
One conversation focused on the idea of “a vulnerability hangover” — a term I heard first from my lovely friend, Kylie Lewis of Of Kin. You know those times when you share a little more than you intended and can fall, the next day, into a shame spiral (a term I heard first from the brilliant 1995 film, Clueless)?
It might be oversharing while being interviewed for a podcast, saying more than you meant to while on a panel, relaying your personal issues to a client or customer, or posting on social media, mid #UglyCry, about something that perhaps you don’t usually talk about or didn’t ever want to talk about.
We have all done it to some degree and, most of the time, we give ourselves WAY more flack that we really should. After all, vulnerability is one of the key elements to building trust and deepening relationships — whether with fellow small biz owners or our clients and customers. I know, as soon as the panel at Small laughed while speaking about their personal struggles I felt way more connected than if they had all stayed perfectly poised the entire discussion and not shared how they really felt.
I do a lot of speaking gigs and masterclasses around humanising your brand and at the end I’m always asked the same question (no matter the sector or business experience in the audience):
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How can I show humanity in my brand without feeling like I’m sharing wayyy too much of my personal life? Are there ways to humanize my business without sharing things/ areas I am not comfortable showing on a business platform?
Here’s five things I tell these people; tips that might help you next time you’re second guessing yourself:
1. First & foremost stay true to you. It’s YOUR business and if you want to share everything about your personal life, then do. Likewise, if you don’t want to share things (ie your kids, political leaning, how you feel about X) then don’t feel you have to. You created this business and you get to make the rules.
2. Ensure that the values that underpin the business & that you may share on social and your website are a) known by everyone in the business (this free activity may help) and b) not just externally aligned, but also internally aligned — that is, that those IN the business are also living up to them. For example, if one of your values is “freedom” then you might show how that value is aligned to your team culture, the way you hire, what you’re doing internally to aid in equality for all or your updated policies around discrimination across race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, age etc.
3. Find five ways you can “humanize” your business without stepping into territory that may not feel aligned with your needs. For example, instead of feeling like you have to show your kids to show more of yourself, you may decide to show more behind-the-scenes videos from the making of your products, an interview with one of your suppliers, or a Day in the Life type blog with the platforms and tools you use to work with clients (as well as any quirky habits you have that might give people more insight into you). You may also show things like the cafe you always get your morning coffee from, the songs that get you out of a funk or the podcasts your staff are addicted to right now. There are so many ways to add humanity to your business without giving up the things you want to remain private.
4. Set boundaries. In a recent email I spoke about the “Fence of No” that Beatrix Bakes founder, Nat Paull, mentioned during her interview on my podcast. Take some time and decide what you are / are not comfortable sharing or even the topics you will / won’t talk about. Once you have this list take the time to dissect it and decide whether it’s fear or ego that’s stopping you, or because it really does not align with who you are and the business you want to run. Again, there is no wrong or right - this is more about making the time to decide what’s right for YOU & not setting a blanket statement or feeling you “should” do something (or not do it) because of other people’s opinions.
5. Remember most people do not care about what you’re posting anywhere near as much as you do! This may sound harsh but it’s worth remembering. We may post something and think every person & their dog saw it, when it actual fact it was about 10% of our following and of that, only 3% even took the time to read and reflect on it, before moving onto the next thing. If you find yourself in a vulnerability hangover, spend a few minutes asking yourself why you feel so bad - again is it fear and ego or something bigger? - then take the lesson the situation is presenting, and move on. No business owner is perfect and no one who has a business for a decent length of time gets by without feeling they’ve overshared or posted something that feels too personal at some point. Go back to #1 above and remember it’s your business. You may not control the outcome of what’s happened after your post or panel discussion but you CAN control what you do next and how you react. All of us are learning and growing and often those two elements of biz result from moments when we feel the least comfortable.
I get asked about this topic so often from clients during coaching calls, as well as strangers on the gram. I hope these five tips help you consider what YOU want from your biz and how much / little you wish to share.
Wishing you more confidence when it comes to humanizing your business without feeling the vulnerability hangover afterward.