How to break up with friends and why it's important for business
How many “good” friends do you have? You know, the kind you can 100% rely on, through the good and bad times to be there regardless of what else is going on? The kind that you feel respected by and treated as a complete equal?
I remember once listening to a Dr Brené Brown book (maybe the Wilderness one?) and she said something along the lines of, “one of the markers of a good friend is someone who will drop everything to turn up to the funeral of your parents“. It stuck with me as I’ve unfortunately faced the passing of both of my parents in the last three years.
The importance of having good friends is something I discuss with my coaching clients, particularly when we are nearing the end of working together.
Throughout the coaching sessions we discuss their life outside of work and the people they turn to when things need to be celebrated, or, on the flip side, when sorrows and hard times need to be sorted through. It is these people we must make an effort with for our long-term happiness.
This week I found myself listening intently to a new book by Australian clinical neuropsychologist, Dr Hannah Korrel, How to Break Up With Friends: from friendsh*t to friendsplit. I'm only halfway through, but I've found it absolutely fascinating.
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Friendship is not something we really dig down and discuss that often, particularly as we get older (when it seems to become harder to make good friends). We have all come across people in our lives, we call friends, who don’t always treat us as well as we might expect, people who we let make the passive aggressive remarks, who don’t want to celebrate our wins, who put down our business to others and who are nowhere to be found when we are deep in challenges. And, if we are honest, we perhaps may even be those friends from time to time, putting our work and business above the needs of friends whose calls and texts we leave unreturned.
Starting a business can be a solitary adventure, and it’s common to find yourself drawn to people who have also walked this path. In my own book (& in this podcast episode), I talk about the core crews small biz owners need to cultivate around themselves and the importance of finding likeminded biz friends. But I also discuss an imperative core crew which is your Non-Work Network — friends who have nothing to do with your business. Friends for whom what you do for work is just one tiny aspect of who you are as a whole person.
This year has taught us all so many lessons, some hugely uncomfortable and some incredibly beautiful. What it’s also reminded us of —on a global scale — is that we need people around us who we can turn to for help, guidance, support, respect, trust and affection. So whether you’re about to bunker down for another lockdown (hello to my London friends) or you’re slowly coming out of 6 months at home (hey my fellow Melbournians) take the time to consider your friends — from those you wish to make more of an effort with and, perhaps, those whom haven’t been there for you in the way you had hoped. It’s also just as important to take the time to consider what sort of friend you are and how you might find a bit more time to cultivate, connect and prioritise friendships.
Being a good friend and expecting others to be a good friend to you means being trusting and, at times, deeply vulnerable. Yet, as that wise woman Dr Brené Brown also says, “vulnerability is the birth place of creativity, innovation and change” — three elements every small biz owner needs to succeed.