Three ways to help ease the compare and despair trap
Years ago my husband and I volunteered at a winter night shelter for homeless people in London. For three years, we would brave the bitter dark mornings, walk to the shelter, cook breakfast and clean away the bedding.
One of the most rewarding parts of this was chatting with the people who had needed to use the service the night prior (it was first come, first served, so people changed from night to night). They were all ages and from all religions, ethnicities and walks of life.
The one thing that struck me more than anything else, was that they looked so “normal”. After the first week I remarked to my husband that no one “looked” homeless; if I had passed them in the street, I would never have known the hardships they were facing.
What does this have to do with business?
Well, earlier this week I was chatting with a client who relayed the fact he felt that everyone else in his industry is doing better than him. When I asked him to pinpoint how, he brought up their follower numbers, the way they talked about their sales on social media and how they were always quick to discuss how many figures their biz was bringing in.
As I said to him, appearances can be deceiving.
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I have had clients whose revenue is in the millions but they’re struggling to make any profit. Likewise, I have worked with people bringing in far, far less who have a much higher quality of life. I have had clients who have 6-digit follower counts who aren’t making any money and others, with fewer than 100 followers, who are able to retire in their early 40s.
You can never truly know what is going on in another person’s business. And really, unless you’re a shareholder in their company, it shouldn’t be something you devote much head space to.
If you’re getting caught up in the compare & despair game, stop and ask yourself these three questions:
What about this person / company is triggering me to compare & despair? How might I use that trait / lesson / strategy to fuel my own biz growth?
Do I believe that their biz success (real or imagined) diminishes my own? If you do, consider reading up on the idea of fixed & growth mindsets and how you can move from the former to the latter (this book may help)
Where is the evidence (factual) for these thoughts? If a biz friend were to come to you with the same thoughts, what advice would you give them? Take it.
The world we live in now is a strange one. We can know so much, and yet so little, about people (including our supposed biz competitors). As you go about the next week notice the times you fall into the compare & despair trap (we ALL do it from time to time). How might taking the time to answer the three questions above help?Take ten minutes this week and consider filling in this Helpful Habits Tracker then sticking it somewhere you'll see on the regular, to help you not only create goals, but cultivate the habits that will help you achieve them.