Why comparing yourself to others can actually be good
How many times in the last month did you find yourself thinking about another person's business? It could have been a direct competitor or someone you barely know from your social media feed. It could have been a fleeting thought or an entire afternoon pondering, stalking and sweating about them.
When times are uncertain — and it doesn't get much more uncertain than what we're all dealing with now in 2020 — we can easily focus on what we don't have and what others appear (real or perceived) to have. It may be that we see another business owner in our field seemingly achieving things we're not, it might be seeing a particular brand talk about "being sold out in minutes" when our stock remains unmoving, or it might just be seeing someone launch something we had wanted to, but have made zero progress on.
Hello competition and comparison— two elements of business no one is immune to.
Now, a little competition can be a great thing to energise us into seeing what's possible or taking action. What isn't so great though is when we start spending our precious time looking at what they’re doing, rather than staying in our own lane.
No matter what your biz does, we can all think of at least one person or company that you'll forget exists until something they do catches your attention and like a mosquito when you’re trying to get to sleep, it's suddenly the only thing you can think about. You start comparing everything they’re doing in biz to everything you’re doing.
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So what can you do when this not-so-fun-element of small business happens?
Here are five questions I like to ask myself when visiting compare and despair territory:
1. Why do you feel this way?
This is the most important thing to look at and it's something I've spent decades asking people in teams I've managed and, since starting my biz, clients. There's a fantastic podcast my husband put me onto, called Dharma Talks. One episode I listened to talked about asking yourself "why?" over and over until you get to the core of how you're feeling, the essence of what the real issue is (i.e. I'm upset > Why? > I feel like I'm being left behind > Why? > Because I expected to be further along by now> Why? etc). The same is true when you're deep in comparisonitis. What exactly is it about this person / company that has you riled? Do you think they haven't paid their dues with experience? Do they seem fake? Did they get something you wanted? Do they seem self-centered? Does it all seem too easy for them? Take time to really question what is it that's annoying you. Get rid of your ego and clarity surfaces. Why are you feeling how you feel?
2. What makes you think there's not enough to go round?
The next question to ask yourself is if you're reacting out of a fear that there's not enough to go around, that if people buy their product they won't buy yours. Or, if people use their service, your income will dry up. I live in Melbourne, a city globally known for its cafe culture (we will get back there, people! #LifeAfterLockdown) with literally hundreds of cafes. Some only serve cold brew or drip, some won't provide certain types of milk or make large coffees, others provide absolutely everything. Despite Melbourne not being a huge city (by global comparison) there's enough demand to fit supply. Instead of spiralling into despair, consider how YOUR business is different and promote those attributes widely.
3. What can this person teach you?
We can too easily dismiss our competitors without taking the time to really consider what they're doing well or —dare I say— better than us. Cast your ego to one side and look at what they're doing well. What lessons can they teach you? What could they help you improve upon?
On the flipside, it may only be through studying them that you realise what you don't want to do or be. This happened to me recently, when I came upon some concerning information about someone in my field. It really helped me cement the values I want to live by and how important these are to me as a small business owner.
4. Is what you're telling yourself the truth?
I have many clients who start our coaching sessions telling me ALLLLL the things they're crap at. And I ask them to answer the following:
· Is this true? (Where are the facts?)
· Is it kind? (Would you tell a friend the same thing?) and,
· Is it necessary? (How are these thoughts serving you?).
When it comes to looking at your competitor or source of comparisonitis, do the same. Are you making the story into something bigger than it is?
5. How might we collaborate?
Say whaaat? I know. The last thing you'd expect to consider is how you might work WITH this person / company. The whole #communityovercompetition isn't just a trending hashtag. Some of the best events I've done have been with people who provide similar services to me. Even if you never intend to collaborate, spend 10 minutes writing down five ways that you could. Often just doing this alleviates ill-feelings towards that person / business and instead shows you all the opportunities that exist.
Comparing our business to another isn't always negative. It can help us identify areas we wish to grow in, or identify things we definitely don't want to do. Whatever you feel about your competitors, remember this quote (something my late mum used to tell me all the time, although I'm not sure who actually said it), "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react". Competitors will always exist. How you choose to react to their existence is up to you.