Episode 311: Are you pausing before responding?
In this episode, Fiona talks about Victor Frankl's book "Man's Search for Meaning," sharing the transformative concept of the space between stimulus and response. Through engaging stories and relatable examples, Fiona talks about embracing the power of pausing and mindfully selecting their responses, unlocking the potential for personal growth and profound freedom. Tune in!
Topics discussed in this episode:
Introduction
"Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl
Controlling one's attitude in the face of external forces
The power to choose our response and the role it plays in growth and freedom
The connection between response, growth, and freedom
Aligning response with values, beliefs, and business positioning
Conclusion
Get in touch with My Daily Business Coach
Resources and Recommendations mentioned in this episode:
Welcome to episode 311 of the My Daily Business podcast. Today, It's a quick tip episode, and is it a tip tool or tactic? I would imagine that it's a tip and a tactic and it is something I find myself repeating to a lot of different clients. I thought I will share it with you. Before we get stuck into that, I want to acknowledge the traditional owners and custodians of the beautiful land on which I record this, and that is the Wurrung and Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation. And I pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging and acknowledge that sovereignty has never ever been ceded. Let's get into today's quick tip episode.
If you have listened to this podcast, if you read my Sunday email, and if you're not on the Sunday email, get on the Sunday email. You can subscribe at mydailybusiness.com/subscribe. But if you are in some way connected to me, you'll know that I love reading. I have loved reading since I was a child. My parents were readers. We had hundreds of books in our house and we were always told, don't come and complain to me and say you're bored because there are plenty of books that you could put your head into. That's what I tell my kids now. And anytime that we're in an Op shop, I will be looking at books. Today's tip comes from a book. It is a book I read probably five years ago, but it's a book that I've heard about my whole life because it is a very famous book.
If you have not already read it, the book is called Man's Search for Meaning, and it's by Victor Frankl. And it's looking at a horrific life that Victor Frankl went through as part of people living through the Holocaust that he lost everyone he knew and he started his life and I think became a psychiatrist or a psychologist and looked at man's search for meaning and what is important in life and all of those things. And the book is all about how you can control your attitude even if everything around you is being controlled by external forces. One of the things I wanted to talk about from that book is a particular quote. This is a quote, as I said at the start, I share with clients all the time. It is also absolutely game-changing for me in my business, but also in my attitude towards life.
The quote is “Between stimulus and response, there is a space, in that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Every single one of us, whether we're running a business or not, and whether we have other situations in our life, whether we're parents or looking after parents or all sorts of things, we will have experiences that come up and shape us as partly through the response of which we give those experiences. those can be good, bad, or indifferent, but a lot of the time we can jump to that response from a stimulus, whatever that stimulus is without giving it space. I love that line between stimulus and response there is a space because so often we forget that there is a space. And the second line “In that space is our power to choose our response.”
I'm not saying this in terms of toxic positivity and everything's fine if you just have the right mindset because I get that there are situations in life that will be atrocious and horrible and where you question everything. But even then, I do think that we have the power to choose our response, but we forget that we have that power. I'm not talking about necessarily even these big atrocious things, even in smaller situations where let’s say a customer sends you an email and you are like riled up, you're like, “Are you serious? Do you know what I've gone through in the last few months? Do you know that I've kept this store going?” They don't know that. But also we are carrying with that all the ammunition and all the feelings and everything else, and we are not allowing that little bit of space, that little bit of breathing room between that customer emailing us and us responding with all our anger and all our emotion.
Not always, but if they're sending us something and it's quite negative, it can be easy to jump to a response. Likewise, maybe you have somebody working for you and they make a mistake and you find that your response is quick without thinking and without giving yourself that space. And then perhaps later when you're reflecting, you're like, “I wish I had done that differently.” Likewise, maybe you are going for an interview for something. Maybe you are going for an interview for a huge amount of funding, or you're going for a collaboration interview, or you're going for a partnership interview. And somebody says something in there and you think, they think X or Y. I better defend that. Maybe they've found some discrepancy in your numbers, or maybe they are questioning a collaboration you did with somebody else.
We feel attacked or we feel that there's this negative light being shown on us. we jump forward with defence or we jump forward, not even with defence, but in a way of like, “Oh no, let me explain that.” Instead of giving ourselves a second to pause, to have a little moment of breathing room and to consider what our response will be rather than jump forward and potentially regret what we have said. I mentioned that this has had a huge impact on me personally. I am quite an emotional person, and I don't say that in a bad way. I think emotions are amazing and I think a lot of creative people have strong emotions. But I think in some situations in my life I would do well to have a minute, just have that minute to pause.
That could be situations where my kids are frustrating me. It could be situations where I've worked with people and it hasn't gone as I'd hoped. It can even be not negative, but a positive where somebody is telling me what's going on and I should just have a pause moment as opposed to rushing forward with this is how you fix that problem. Since I read this book five years ago, consider ways in which I am jumping to a response, whether that response is good or bad, I'm saying a lot of negative things here. That response could also be good. You're like jumping in because you want to help somebody quickly do this thing. Instead of just jumping forward or reacting, it's just about remembering there is a space as simple as that sounds between stimulus and response, there is a space because we don't allow enough room for that space.
I think we don't prioritize that space in a lot of living and running a business. Running a business is so much next thing, next thing, next thing. Got to get quicker, got to get this out, got to get this pack. We are not allowing ourselves that pause to just press pause and consider this has happened, whether it's good or bad, what's my response? Because like the last line of that quote says, “In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Now, particularly if it's a negative situation that has happened and we rush forward with our response, then thinking about that growth and freedom, are we fueling that growth and freedom in a positive way if we rush forward? Rather than taking a second to think about things and to consider what our response is going to be and how it aligns with our values, with our beliefs, and in the business case, how we want to be positioned and the legacy that we have as a business owner.
I'll just repeat that quote again, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”I hope that that has been helpful. Maybe there's something right now that's going on in your life or in your business and you are thinking, you're just ready to roll. And instead, maybe it's about stepping away from it and thinking, how do I want to respond to this and how will my response help my own growth and freedom?
That is it for today's small business quick Tip and brought to you, as I said before by Victor Frankel, the author of Man's Search for Meaning. We'll link to that book and anything else that we've mentioned in the show notes, which for this episode you'll be able to find over at mydailybusiness.com/podcast/311. And I would love to know if there is a quote or a book that has impacted you and the way that you operate and live in this world. Please don't be a stranger. You can DM us at mydailybusiness_, or you can email us at hello@mydailybusiness.com. Thanks so much for reading.
