Episode 445: Tip: We all feel like outsiders
In this episode, Fiona discusses how to navigate imposter syndrome and the sense of not fitting in. Discover actionable tips for embracing your authentic self, creating a supportive community, and promoting inclusivity within your small business. Tune in!
You'll Learn How To:
How to overcome imposter syndrome in business
Lessons from Adele’s song I Drink Wine for entrepreneurs
The importance of authenticity and vulnerability
Strategies for creating an inclusive and welcoming business environment
Building community and fostering genuine connections as a business owner
Self-esteem and overcoming projections in business relationships
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Welcome to episode 445 of the My Daily Business Podcast. Today's quick tip episode is a real personal one and one that I just feel compelled to share right now because I seem to be having the same conversations with so many people in my life, whether they're clients, friends, or family. I know it's something I have felt many times and who knows at the time of this getting published. I may feel like it again. I thought I would talk about this today. Before I get stuck in, my new book, Business to Brand Moving from Transaction to Transformation is available now. You can buy it everywhere online. You can buy it from us at mydailybusiness.com. You can buy it from loads of small business owners, lots of great bookshops and gift stores.
You can buy it from independent bookshops. You can borrow it from your local library. If they don't have it, ask them to get it in so many places all around the world. Please, if you love this podcast and you think, I've learned so much from this, and we get DMS all the time about that, which is so lovely. One way that you can support us is to buy the book or borrow it because we do get paid by libraries in Australia, which is something I learned very recently. You get a check once a year if people borrow your book from the library or buy it with a couple of friends buy a copy yourself or buy it from us or wherever. But I would just love it so much. If you're not in the position right now to do that, then just sharing it, sharing it on social media, sharing a tile, a photo of it that we have on our social media @mydailybusiness_ on Instagram or @mydailybusiness on TikTok, which just helps so much get a word out there.
Thank you in advance for that. The second thing is I want to acknowledge where I'm coming from and the traditional owners and custodians of these beautiful lands that have sustained me and nurtured me and I wrote most of the book and that is the Wurrung and Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation. They're the traditional owners and custodians and I pay my respects to their elders past and present and acknowledge that sovereignty has never been ceded. Let's get into today's quick tip episode.
Recently I was heading into recording the audiobook versions of Business to Brand and Passion Purpose Profit. They'll be out very soon. If you rather listen to audio, you'll be able to get them. And one of the things that I did was play a whole bunch of songs because I don't drive that often for a long time. I take the kids here, there and everywhere and take them to school and everything, but it's all within a half an hour's drive. When you've got kids in the car, you don't necessarily be pumping the music that you like. It's more like whatever they're interested in. I was pumping out music. I have a playlist of songs that have reminded me of elements of my business. If you want to check that out, I'll put a link in the show notes.
But it's on Spotify and it's something, I'm going to do a whole episode about pulling together a soundtrack for your business because it's so fun. One of the songs on there is called I Drink Wine by Adele. I liked this song well before I knew the reasons that she wrote it, but I found out the reason she wrote it on Carpool Karaoke with James Corden. He is good friends with Adele and they talked about the context of this, and it's a good video. Go and check it out on YouTube. Just look under I drink wine carpool karaoke. And it was his final carpool karaoke. And they talked about the fact that they both felt like outsiders in Hollywood and they also talked about weight issues and just a whole bunch of things that I think a lot of people can relate to.
I found it just beautiful. I was bawling my eyes out by the end. I was listening to it the other day, blasting it as I was in standstill traffic. And I was just listening to some of the words and I'm just going to read out some of the lyrics. Hopefully, I don't get in trouble or something by someone who wants money for reading the lyrics out. Anyway, all copyright Adele. But it says, we are in love with the world, but the world just wants to bring us down by putting ideas in our heads that corrupt our hearts somehow. And then she says, they say to play hard, you work hard, find balance in the sacrifice. Yet I don't know anybody who's truly satisfied. Why am I obsessing about the things I can't control? Why am I seeking approval from people I don't even know?
I think those lines, stand out for a lot of people in business because sometimes we can sit back and think, but that person didn't like our post, or that person didn't get back to my email, or that company didn't want to interview me or I lost out on that award or whatever it is. And I think sometimes we can have this sense that I don't belong whether it's in a particular industry or I don't belong with certain groups of friends, or I don't belong in that level of business or that league of business. I know this is something that a lot of people think because I talk to small business owners all the time, whether it's in group coaching, one-on-one, or I'm doing master classes or speaking gigs or just in the DMS on social media.
I know that so many people feel like outsiders. I know that I have felt like that so many times in this business, particularly at the start and I've talked about this before, I felt very much like there was this click of business coaches in Australia, particularly on the East Coast. And I felt like I just didn't belong. I'd see them all going together to networking dinners having retreats together or being on each other's podcasts or whatever. I don't remember feeling like, I just don't fit in. No one ever asks me to do this. Or I just felt weird. One of the ways that I coped with that was to just unfollow everyone. I just was like, unfollowed and mute. And it didn't detract anything from my life by unfollowing.
But I also have since become friendly with a few people like that. I think some of it was my projections and my self-esteem issues. Because so often we do that to ourselves. We look for evidence of things that aren't necessarily true. But the other thing that we can do is to think that there are these invisible rules around certain industries or groups or sectors. If you're not if you don't tick all the boxes, then you don't belong. I remember just recently I was talking to an incredible business owner who was saying that in the particular industry that their business is in, they didn't feel like they belonged because of their body shape, because of their ancestry, because of their experiences. That had led to them feeling that they couldn't fully show up as themselves in their business.
I think one that is it's sad when you hear those stories and you think you are just incredible. You're an incredible person and anyone is lucky to know you and to also know the origins of why you started this business, and why you're so passionate about this business. But also I think that by moving through those thoughts and sharing them with somebody, whether it's in group coaching or with a coach or a friend, or your partner, whoever, your parents, if you're lucky enough to still have parents and you have a good relationship with them, it can do wonders in allowing you to see that everyone feels like this. I don't think there's anyone that goes, I belong in every single group that I'm in. I feel a hundred percent confident whether I'm at the school gates, meeting new people, turning up to a coaching program, going onto a webinar or turning up to a panel or things.
I don't think there's anyone that I've ever met that feels a hundred percent confident every single time in all of those situations. And if they are well done to them, they are a real anomaly in the world. I guess the point of today is you look at people like Adele and James Corden; they're at the top of their game, the absolute top. I mean, Adele is up there next to Beyonce. There are very few female musicians who have achieved what she has achieved and are as adored as she's adored. And yet she can feel that she's an outsider. James Corden is a British guy who's done incredibly well for himself leading at the time, the top-rated nightly entertainment show in the us which is gigantic. And yet he feels that he doesn't belong.
I just think that sometimes we need a reminder that this is such a common challenge and that the more we share about the fact that we feel like that, the more it allows other people to go. I also feel like that. And by sharing that we feel that we don't belong. We are starting to belong more to each other and to communities of people who feel like, this is my people, these are my people. I guess today's quick tip is to remind yourself you are not alone. This is something every single small business owner goes through. Also maybe two, reach out and connect with people and just be a bit more real and a bit more open. I know with that one particular, umson who was talking about not feeling like they could be in their industry because of these reasons and these invisible rules, stereotypes and other things around that industry, they have been a bit more open now on social media about this and the amount of love and outpouring of same.
I feel you have been incredible. I've seen another person who's in a different group and just this morning I saw a post that they put out saying just speaking from the heart and being super honest about where they're at. Again, so many people responding, and I feel the same. I think the more we can all do this, the better it is for everyone, the better it is for everyone. If we can just be a bit more honest with how we are feeling and understand that it is completely natural. We are not some loser who's out on the periphery that most people feel like this. And then what can we do to help build a community of people that feel like they do belong and that no one's excluded? Whether that is being more diverse in your model selection in the people you work with, the people behind the scenes, whether it is getting out there and just being honest about how hard things can be or how much work something has taken so that there's less likely that everyone thinks, that just happened overnight for them, or everything's so easy for them.
I just think that the more we can all just be ourselves, as cliche as that sounds, the more that we allow other people to be themselves. And that's only ever a good thing. When I was cruising down the, not cruising, I was cruising at about 20 kilometres an hour and I was blasting this song and I was singing and I thought, how many millions of people around the world have connected with the lyrics of this song? Particularly that line why am I seeking approval from people I don't even know? And I just think the more we can all be open about our fears, our challenges, our belief that sometimes we don't belong, we don't fit in, the more it allows other people to go, I felt like that too. Me too. I'm there right with you.
That is it for today, asking yourself if you've felt like that, how can you work through that maybe part of working through is to just be more open about what you're feeling with friends, family, and maybe out there on social media or for your business community. And then also looking at your business and thinking, is there some part of it that is maybe making some people feel that they don't belong is making people feel that they're not welcome here? Interrogating yourself there and thinking, am I truly as community-minded and open as I think that I am with this business? If you want to go through this in text format, we'll link to that video with James Corden and Adele and also to the song, which is just so good. You can find that at mydailybusiness.com/podcast/445. Thanks so much for reading. I'll see you next time. Bye.
