Episode 76: 5 Steps To Deal with Uncertainties in Your Life and Why Seeking Professional Help Matters
In this personal coaching episode with Fiona, she shares her stories about the uncertainties she had to deal with - such as the death of her parents, launching a book during COVID and moving to the UK with the help of a friend. Listen now as she shares her tips on how people can deal with uncertainties and the importance of seeking help from a professional especially during these times.
Topics discussed in this episode:
Introduction
Fiona's Experience/Story
5 Steps To Deal with Uncertainties
#1: Focus on what you can control.
#2: To stop the spiral of speculation.
#3: Cultivate your business crews.
#4: Turn to ancient wisdom.
#5 Create your own happiness.
Seek help
Conclusion
Resources mentioned in this episode
Episode transcript:
Every one of us has faced uncertainty in our life, and I think that's what I'm trying to get to in today's episode. Yes, this pandemic is throwing up uncertainty on a level that we may not have realised or had to go through before. And also globally, it's not just us going through it. It's not like everyone can stop and give you support because they also are going through it. But what I want to say is that not all of these situations are comparable, but all of them led me to battle with and eventually embrace and work through uncertainty.
Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm sending you a virtual hug or high five or all the other things I'm not allowed to do now that the pandemic is here. But, yeah, I really, really appreciate it seriously that you've given up the time to come to this podcast. I hope that what you're about to learn is super helpful for you. And if you are new, make sure that he'd subscribe and you can go back and binge on so many what are we, up to 70, 75 past episodes that include longer coaching ones like today is going to be. They also include interviews with small business owners across the globe, as well as my quick tip episodes. And they're usually 10 minutes or less. Sometimes I do go over, but usually 10 minutes or less, and they give you a quick tip tool or tactic to learn. Now, before we get stuck into today's coaching episode, which is super, super useful, particularly if you are unfortunately in a part of the world that is experiencing lockdown or increased case loads of covid, which, you know, let's be real is happening everywhere. It's going to be super, super useful for your business and your mindset today. But before you get stuck into that, I have had a couple of people reach out and say that they wanted to be part of the eight week online coaching program for Marketing For Your Small Business that has already started. And it was closed off on the 9th of February. However, the actual course is their marketing for your small business. You can find that at marketingforyoursmallbusiness.com. Now you can sign up, access the course instantly, and then next time we do the eight week program, which is online coaching for eight weeks in alignment with the eight modules of marketing for your small business. Next time we do it, you'll be able to access that at a really, really, really reduced rate. So if you want to get started on your marketing and understand it and you're like, Oh, I wish I'd got into that in time, you can still access the course marketing for your small business, at marketing, for your small business dot com. So let's get into today's coaching episode. And I know it's going to be super, super useful. So, yeah, let's get started.
All right, so I'm recording this early February, 2021, and I'm in Australia, I'm located in Melbourne and Melbourne did have one of the strictest lockdowns in the world.
In 2020, we were in lockdown for almost seven months. My son was home from school for six and a half months. My other son was home from childcare, which was really fun, having a baby at home and home schooling and trying to run a business. And my husband being home as well, working from home, you know, we made it work. But because of that and obviously I know I should put out its disclaimer, Australia is doing far better than majority of the world. And for that, I know we are incredibly lucky, but we have face lockdown. And there was some serious mental health challenges faced by everyone around the world last year. And it's still going on. But the other day I went out for coffee with some friends, one of which runs own business and another one who used to run her own businesses. And we were talking about just this kind of flatness that seems to be going around, you know, people just feeling a bit flat, a bit, you know, just a bit over things, a bit fed up, a bit tired, a bit unmotivated. And we were kind of going, you know, usually at the start of the year is when people are really quite motivated and they've got that New Year novelty happening. And we're sort of talking about it and thinking. And my friend made the comment of it's kind of like a hangover, a 2020 hangover that just doesn't go away and it doesn't. And I came home from that. I mean, that sounds like a really downer conversation, but it wasn't it was great to see these friends that I came home and I switched on the TV, which is usually always just on ABC News or ABC kids. And I switched it on and it was on the news channel. And I to be honest, I haven't been watching the news that much because I was sort of like, I'm getting on we're out of lockdown now. Look at the headlines. But it came on and they they said something about, you know, this many cases in my state where I live, Victoria, and instantly my body just physically kind of clenched up.
And the sort of anxiety that I didn't even know was there was running through me. It was like instantly my body was like, oh, my God, we're going to go into lockdown again. Oh, my God, my son's not going to go to childcare. What's going to happen? And that is there. That is going to be there regardless of where you are in the world. This thing is not under control. This pandemic is still happening. It's still killing so many people out there. And that brings with it a huge level of uncertainty and uncertainty that a lot of us have never had to live with. So I wanted to talk about some tactics that hopefully you can utilise to help you sort of work through those feelings, because it might be years like this. And it sounds awful, but it really, you know, here in Australia, I think they're talking about international travel being down the at least the next six months, if not later on. Friends of mine have been told by their companies that they won't be going in-house for at least another year. And those people are having to kind of make do with, hey, how do I work from home? How do I still parent? How do I you know, I still show up professionally if I've got kids in the background and all sorts of things. And I again, I want to reiterate, I know that we are nowhere near the UK, the US or other parts of the world that are dealing with this in much more horrific stages. So my heart goes out to those people. And I hope that if you are in there, today's podcast really, really helps. Now, obviously, I'm not some pandemic expert at all, and I'm going through this in the same way as everybody else.
But I've definitely experienced major periods of uncertainty in my life before times when I just wasn't sure if I should keep going. I wasn't sure what the future held. I felt like the rug had just been pulled out from under me. And it was a very disorienting, confusing state. And I feel like that's likely what a lot of people are going through with the pandemic. And some of those things have been and I've talked about it very openly because I do think these things need to be talked about more because they just otherwise stay behind closed doors and people feel bad about themselves. But yeah, my mother's sudden death in April 2020 came out of nowhere, absolutely out of nowhere. She was on holidays with my dad, wasn't feeling well. My dad called me in the evening. He's like, “Hey, your mom is going to go to hospital. She's fine. Could you give me a lift over there?” It was all very casual. And I was like, yeah, I actually was frustrated because I actually had a meeting to go to, not at work meeting another thing. And I was sort of like, oh, and, you know, it was so casual, which I feel awful about. But that's what went through my head. So I kind of got ready to I cancel the other meeting, the catch up that I had and I got ready to go and get my dad and he called. Back in a couple of minutes and said, actually, the hospital's called, we're just going to get a taxi, and I was like, my dad does not get taxis ever. So I was like, what is going on? And so I rushed to the hospital. And my mother in that short period, which is probably about 30 minutes, had already passed away. And so that was a huge, huge probably, you know, the worst moment of my life to date. And I'll try and get through this. But, yeah, a massive, sudden thing that happened that was completely pushed my life into an uncertainty that I had never even seen coming.
I was running my own business. I had a young family. I had just locked in so many clients. I was literally feeling like I was on top of my game. And this happened and I just went into a spiral. I didn't I just didn't know how to exist. And it lasted for quite a bit of time. And I did seek out a grief counsellor, a psychologist, and she was incredible. But that's one of the times. Another time, I don't really know what possessed me to do this, but I was young and carefree. I got a ticket, a one way ticket to London. When I was 20. I'd finished my degree and I was like, I'm going to go live in London and no one can stop me. I didn't know a single person there. I did not know anybody. I had found one person from lack of website. Remember, this is 2001. So, you know, the Internet was nothing like it is now. And we didn't have social media and found this person in the UK. I'd phoned her for like ten minutes because it was so expensive to call. And I called her and said, “Hey, I'm coming there.” And she was like, Yeah, we've got a room to rent. This is how much it is. This is the address. So when you get here and I was like, OK. And yeah, I got my one way eight hundred dollar ticket. I remember how much it was because I had to save up for it and I turned 21 and I literally left two days after my 21st birthday and yeah it just, just turned up at this random house that took ages to get to. I did not look at the map in London, it was in zone three and I knocked on the door and this kind of dodgy American man, like he just looked dodgy. It wasn't that he was American. He was just looked kind of weird and he kind of poked out from behind the door like he didn't open the door, probably just poked out really small, as if I was crazy and was like, hello? And I was like, “Hi, I'm Fiona. I'm going to live here. And he was like, OK. And then he just open the door and he was like, your room's up there.” And that was it. And I was sort of like, “OK, I have to find a job, like have to have a life like, oh my God, what are we going to do?”
And so that was hugely unsettling, but turned out to be one of the best things I'd ever done. I made lifelong friends who I'm still friends with now. I travelled Europe. It was just incredible. I worked at an advertising agency for literally six pounds an hour. It was hardcore, but super uncertain time. Another time more recently is, you know, sending out my book proposal to a book publisher and kind of hoping for the best. Even with the book, you know, I sent my book proposal, met with the publisher, went through the process of getting a contract, wrote the book, and then COVID hit. And I was like, oh, God, my whole plan for how to promote this book, how to you know, I was going to go to New York, I was going to do events. I was going to travel around Australia. I was going to potentially go to New Zealand. And it just all fell to the wayside. And I was like, oh, there goes my fun year of 2020. 2020 is going to be my year. So that was hugely uncertain. Another thing before I finished my last job, which was head of marketing at a large company, I had to book in a client. I'm not from a wealthy family. I don't have a crazy plan BS to go back on. And so I had to book in clients before I had finished my job. I needed money to be there straight away. And so I had to book in this client and he was quite, you know, serious and everything else. And we had a, you know, back and forth with contracts. And he booked me in for six months of consulting. And I was like, okay, let's see how this goes. You know, I was really uncertain. I was like, okay, I've been in this corporate world. I've done my own business before, but I just did branded content and website stuff and it was all from home. I was also a ghost-writer for people, for like celebrities. And so this was the first time that I had to turn up to an office, I had to run workshops, I had to run all these things and hope that it was going to work out hugely uncertain. And we just bought a house and my son was in childcare and all these expenses were there, you know, very, very hard and very uncertain. I didn't know if I could fulfil the expectations of this client saying yes to speaking events. My first speaking event where there was hundreds of people and I had to stand up and be like, oh, my God, everyone's looking at me. What's going to come out of my mouth? Does it make sense? And you hear yourself in the first few, you know, still it can happen to voice. It's dry, you get nervous, your voice seems really high, all of those things are hugely uncertain, but you have to push yourself to get through them.
The same happened at the tail end of 2019. I lost my father not as suddenly as my mother, but very unexpected, all the same. And, you know, I was on holiday. I got a phone call. You better come up. And my sister and I sat there for eight hours with my father until he drew his last breath. That was hard, you know, and it was uncertain. Like, if you have lost both of your parents and you're listening to this, you'll understand you suddenly feel quite alone, even if you have friends and family. And I have an amazing husband, amazing in-laws, great siblings. But you're there and you're thinking, oh, I don't I don't have my parents anymore. I don't have those people to go to. I'm literally every decision that I make now is my own decision. And it's not in any way shaped by trying to impress my parents, make them proud. All of that stuff, get their advice on things, get their counsel. That was another period of uncertainty and sometimes still is. I wish to God that I could ask them questions also going through the process of trying to conceive. So we had one child, my first son, beautiful son, and I thought I could get pregnant whenever I felt like it. And that didn't happen. And we went through a very hard and long process to have another child, like I said before, walking away from a very well-paid executive role to start my own business. And the list just goes on and on and on. And I'm not alone. I know that, you know, I'm not standing above like, oh, look at me. I've gone through all these things.
Every one of us has faced uncertainty in our life. And I think that's what I'm trying to get to in today's episode. Yes, this pandemic is throwing up uncertainty on a level that we may not have realised or had to go through before.
And also globally, it's not just us going through it. It's not like everyone can stop and give you support because they also are going through it. But what I want to say is that not all of these situations are comparable, but all of them led me to battle with and eventually embrace and work through uncertainty. And so I wanted to list out five things that definitely helped me in those times in in different ways. And that actually really helped last year when we were in seven months of lockdown. And so if you're in lockdown right now and my heart goes out to you because it sucks, please try and work through these five things or at least give one or two ago and see if it helps you. And I would love to hear from you if if it does, you can reach out to me on Instagram at @mydailybusinesscoach or email us hello@mydailybusinesscoach.com.
All right. So let's go through the five things that I think help with uncertainty.
#1: Focus on what you can control.
So I know it sounds super, super cliche, but this is by far the best advice that you can follow.
You know, I can't control if Melbourne goes back into lockdown. I can't control, you know, when my children decide to sleep or not sleep. I can't control how the book is doing. I can't control even how this podcast does.
And I can't control, you know, how my clients react to certain tactics or strategies that we talk about. But I can control my reaction to those things and the way that I bring my whole self into my work, whether I'm coaching or speaking or consulting. And so I really think about how much might you be spending too much time focusing on what you can't control and not enough time celebrating and working on what you can. Now, death is a huge thing when it comes and it comes quickly and swiftly and you don't expect it. It's out of your control. It's absolutely out of your control. And like I said before, probably the most uncertain I've been in my life is when my mother passed away. She was my best friend. But the thing that I could control was to go and get help, to ask for help, to go and seek out a psychologist and say, I can't deal with this on my own. So really thinking about when it comes to business, when it comes to your life, whatever it is, that's super uncertain. What can you control? What reaction can you have that will help you feel in control in some way? That's number one. Focus on what you can control.
#2: Stop the spiral of speculation.
So I'm all for using your imagination to envisage the future set goals for your business, create manifest who you want to be in all of that stuff. But when it comes to negative speculation, there's really not much to be gained from it.
And if you find yourself going down a path of not doing things that bring you joy in your business because, you know, what's the point if we can't do X or Y for another 12 months, like what's the point of putting on an event if I can't actually travel to see people at that event? Or what's the point of putting on an event if it's just going to be on Zoome and if. On so tired of Zoom, you know, don't let those things stop you if they actually bring you joy, because what I found from some of the events that I've been part of is people are actually almost more willing to talk at an event online and ask questions than they are in physical events. Sometimes people are intimidated by other people in the audience or intimidated by the set up or anything else. You know, nothing is certain right now. But as Eckhart Tolle famously said, worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose. So to say that again, he said worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose. So if you're really finding yourself just spiraling into worst case scenario, flip the script, think about what's the best that could happen, but also think about is this bringing joy into my life and into my business? Is it making my staff happy? Let's do it. Look at it like that and stop the spiral of speculation.
#3: Cultivate your business crews.
And I do speak about this a lot because I think it is just so important. We always need a supportive network around us. And never before has this been, you know, so crucial as small business owners. And it's part of the reason that I started my group on Facebook, which is just called the Good Business Group, and we'll link to that in the show notes. And it's really there to provide a space for small business owners to ask for advice, to share tips, to access free expert training for myself and other people that I've invited in. And it's just it's growing to a great community. I think there's like almost a thousand small business owners in there now who show up. If somebody puts out a question, they'll answer, there's not much promotion. I don't allow that. You have one day to promote your stuff. But other than that, it's really about being there, supporting each other, feeling free to ask questions. And they can be questions that are, you know, really deep and around mindset. And there can be other questions that are really practical about, you know, postage tips for product businesses. And so I think if you can just do one thing this week, reach out to somebody in your crew and see how they're doing, because often it's the people who seem to be, you know, got it all covered. It's all under control that are actually need you to ask for help, like ask you how are they going can do that and just open up that conversation. And it also shares allows you to share what's going on in your life. And I think what's that saying? I can't think of it now. New stuff it up. But that's sort of like a problem shared is a problem solved. So if you can take anything else from this podcast, reach out to somebody, ask how they are reaching out to somebody and tell them how you are as well. Cultivate your business crews and always cultivating your crews isn't much about being there for others as it is about them being there for you.
And if you don't have crews come into the good business group or think about is there anyone in your life that you could reach out to and just start having a chat with? It could be on WhatsApp. It could be if you're lucky enough to exercise and go near, you know, go out for a walk, somebody who lives near you. Look at your local Facebook pages, there's often a Facebook business page for your suburb or your area. See if anyone there looks like somebody you could connect with. But that's number three, cultivate your business crews.
#4: Turn to ancient wisdom.
Now, I know this is quite a heavy episode, isn't it? But death is the only thing that's certain about life, and yet it always surprises us.
And like I said, that I might sound a downer to some, but it also means that we have thousands and thousands and thousands of years of wisdom to learn from wisdom that comes from other people who have experienced death or having experienced uncertainty in all its various guises. And they've somehow survived, survived enough to write about it or create art about it or create poetry about it. And depending on your belief system, you know, you might turn to certain religious or spiritual teachings or you may tune in to the words of ancient philosophers, poets or legendary songwriters.
When my son was born 2019, my second child, a good friend, gave me a book by Carl Jung, the Swedish psychiatrist and psychoanalyst and lesser known builder, artist and craftsman. And I love his work and his work continues to inspire and intrigued me. And it might sound bizarre, but I've often found some serious breakthroughs when I take out a few minutes of my day to work through these pages or other philosophy books that I have. Similarly for me, I absolutely love The On Being with Krista Tippett. And of course, we'll link to that in the show notes. It always helps me consider new paths forward when facing uncertainties in my life. And I might have mentioned it before in an episode, but there is a particular episode on The On Being podcast with John O'Donohue, the beautiful and late Irish poet and philosopher. I think it was a priest at one point, but don't let that put you off. He has an interview with her about beauty and how he can see beauty even in tragic circumstances. And it is just one of the best things I've listened to. I've listened to it probably 22 times. I absolutely love it. So that is, you know, learn from ancient wisdom. We might think we are all original little snowflakes and beings, but we're not. We're going through things that other people have faced. So definitely turned to ancient wisdom and have a look or even, you know, not ancient, but more more modern wisdom and see what you might take from that.
#5: Create your own happiness.
And this final tip is one that I talk about endlessly with my eldest son. He's just turned eight and one that I need a reminder of every now and then as well. So, you know, depending on where you're listening to this, you might be listening with air pods or you might be listening in a nice car or might be listening, you know, surrounded by natural beauty because you're on a walk or you might be listening in the gym and you've got a gym membership wherever you're listening to it. Chances are that you're still in an incredibly fortunate position is most of the world. And we often forget how good we actually have it. And you might be thinking we're in a bloody pandemic right now if you and it's not really great. But I think sometimes perspective can give you, well, perspective. We're in the global minority. If we can be sitting here listening to a podcast, I'm definitely in the minority that I can sit here during the day. I work day and record podcasts and not feel that I have to be, you know, constantly bringing the money in every single minute of the day. And we can choose to a large degree what our life looks like where we work. If you're a small business owner, you've chosen that who we work with and what we do on a day to day basis. And things are tough right now. They are super tough. And I'm not saying that perspective means that you're suffering doesn't matter at all. There's no like suffering comparison here, but sometimes it really helps to just take a step back and realise that things are tough. But that does not stop us from being able to take some time to consider how we can cultivate more happiness in our lives. So which three things can you practise daily to help you step up, to help you get out of any kind of spiral or down kind of depression or or other things that you might be feeling? And when I say depression, I'm talking about like mild, low level depression, not depression, where you actually should go and seek out some mental health professional help. But this could be choosing to watch comedy over the news. I know that when we were deep in lockdown and I was feeling really stressed every time I looked at the news, my husband and I actually watched a really great series on Australian TV. I'm not sure if you can get it maybe on Netflix by Benjamin Law. And it's called Family Law. And it was just it got us through like we absolutely loved it and devoured it. And it was funny. And it was an escape from what was happening. And that was a choice we chose to watch. It's kind of like the drama comedy, but we chose to watch that instead of watching the news or we were watching Handmaid's Tale at the start of the pandemic and we're like, let's stop watching this for now. You know, choose to laugh with the funny friend, call somebody who you know is hilarious, who always makes you feel good. Listen to some Stand-Up. You know, if you if you're listening to things and you know and you feel like it's it's heightening your anxiety or tightening the levels of uncertainty that you have, switch it off. Listen to some stand dance around the kitchen to fund music. When my son was home schooling last year, we had a thing and we had called 830 Kitchen Dance Off and eight thirty would usually be when we're getting into the car to go to school. And so we put together a playlist. He chose some songs and some songs and we put them on a Spotify playlist and we danced around the kitchen at eight thirty every day. And it was just such a fun thing, because no matter how I felt when I woke up that morning, I knew that at eight thirty we would just shake it all out and have a fun time. And those memories, I mean, I remember dancing in the kitchen with my own mother and that was once off every so often, but with my son, I hope that that will be something that he remembers when he thinks of the pandemic. Take five minutes out to have a cup of tea outside or coffee or what have you. Your choice of beverages, you know, spend some time cooking, cooking, loved ones a meal or cooking yourself a meal or the other thing is, could be, you know, revisit a favourite book or favourite film.
One of my best friends, Paul Darragh aka BEMODERN, he came on the podcast a while ago. If you want to check out that episode, it is episode 42. One of the things that he does every year, and he actually did it once with me is what speeches like Abassi, such a good film and I hadn't watched it for years. And he came to stay with us a few years back now because he lives in New Zealand and we watched it together and it was just so good. And he was like, yeah, I do that every year and I think that's such a good idea. You know, you're purposefully going into a situation to be uplifted, to go through something that you really enjoy, whether it's a favourite book or film. And so that is number five, create your own happiness. And look, I totally get it. You know, living with uncertainty is not something that anyone longs for, especially, you know, not small business owners who have enough uncertainty in any kind of standard. Yeah. And so I hope these five tips give you some food for thought and help you work through the stress and anxiety and the frustration and the fear that uncertain times can bring up. So I'll just recap on those five.
#1: Focus on what you can control.
#2: To stop the spiral of speculation.
#3: Cultivate your business crews.
#4: Turn to ancient wisdom.
#5 Create your own happiness.
Now, before I finish up, I also want to say that if you're seriously struggling right now and you need someone to talk to, if you're in Australia, please visit Beyond Blue. If you're in New Zealand, depression.org.nz if you are in the UK, check out mind.org.uk. If you're in the USA, I mean there are so many different areas to go to and I know that each state does their health slightly differently. But 7 Cups might be an option for you and for countries outside of those areas, please check out your local mental health support services.
Like I said, you know, everything that I've mentioned today is not in any way a replacement for real mental health advice and professional mental health advice from a psychologist, a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. So please seek those people out if you need help. Thank you so much for listening. This is episode 76.
So all of the transcript, any links will be in the show notes which you can find at mydailybusinescoach.com/podcast/76. Thank you so much for listening. Please share this with a business friend who might be going through uncertain times right now, or probably is not. Might be because everyone in the world is. I really know that it will help. Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.
Thanks for listening to My Daily Business Coach podcast. If you want to get in touch, you can do that at mydailybusinesscoach.com or hit me up on Instagram at @mydailybusinesscoach.
