Episode 67 Small Business Tips: How Business Owners Can Work Through Having Difficult Conversations
If you’ve hated having hard conversations with the people you work with, then this quick tip episode is for you. In this episode, Fiona shares what her brother – a psychologist in Melbourne – advises to make difficult conversations happen despite our fears of hurting others or negatively impacting our businesses.
Topics discussed in this episode:
Introduction and Promo
Doing more for the indigenous
Talking to a difficult person at work
A Psychologist’s Advice
How to make the hard conversations happen
Conclusion
Resources mentioned:
Episode transcript:
Hey there, welcome to Episode 67 of the My Daily Business Coach podcast.
Today, it is a quick tip episode. These are my very short episodes. They come out every single week and basically it's just a quick tip tool or tactic that you can implement immediately to help you with your small business if this is the first time that you're listening to this, welcome, welcome, welcome.
I'm Fiona Killackey. I run a business called My Daily Business Coach. You can find it at mydailybusinesscoach.com or you can find me on Instagram. Send me a DM, tell me what you think of the show. I'm just at @mydailybusinesscoach.
Just before we get stuck into today's quick episode, two things. One, if you're not already aware, I have an online course. It's called Marketing For Your Small Business. You can find out more at marketingforyoursmallbusiness.com. Also link to it in the show notes. Now, I've had this course and I have other courses as well. This course is just something that repeatedly I hear people being like, oh my God, mind blown. Now I know how to do marketing because I understand it properly and I'm not doing this kind of ad hoc scattergun approach to it.
For the first time ever, I'm actually running an eight week live coaching program coinciding with the online course. So whether you've bought the course a few years ago or whether you're about to buy it for the first time, you do have the opportunity to jump into this group, which will meet every single week for eight weeks to make sure that you're not just buying the course and kind of leaving it there. You're actually working through the modules, the key eight modules of the course. If you want to find out more about that, check out marketingforyoursmallbusiness.com. You can also find it over at the mydailybusinesscoach.com/shop. Or you can just dm me on Instagram and we can go from there.
The second important thing I want to say is that this episode is coming out on the 26th of January. Now, where I am in Australia, there is a lot of talk about whether we should continue celebrating Australia Day on this day or if we should acknowledge that it has truly been invasion day for our indigenous people. I am more on the latter camp. And so one thing, if you're Australian, then you're sort of thinking, well, how do I even begin to contribute towards the healing that needs to happen for our indigenous people is to do some research around how you can help, whether financially, whether putting a time into something, whether supporting and buying from, you know, indigenous-owned businesses and check that they really are indigenous-owned businesses. There are so many ways that you can help towards all of us moving towards a solution where we find equality for everybody in Australia.
At the moment, it is very imbalanced. There is a huge lack of access to education, the lack of access and a quality to so many other parts of life that many of us, including myself, I'm in a very privileged position take for granted. So I just wanted to put that out there. If you're listening to this in real time and you are in Australia, consider firstly what your beliefs are. And if you are going to say that you believe in something, then put the time or the money into making that more than just a social media post that you put up in a particular day because it makes you feel good. I mean, this all comes back to your values as a person, but also your values in business.
If one of your values is, for instance, freedom or equality or empowerment, then how can you kind of stand by and let things continue to happen to our indigenous people without trying to put in some effort with a financial or, like I said, time to research the actual true history of this country and help us all move towards a more equal future for First Nations people.
All right. Let's get stuck into today's Quick Tip episode.
All right, so a few months ago, I was discussing hiring tactics with one of my clients who was hiring some new staff, and we were talking about, you know, what had happened in the past with staff that she'd hired, what had gone wrong, what had gone right, what worked, what didn't. All of that kind of stuff. And, you know, skills can be easily assessed. What's far harder to assess when you're hiring somebody is their personality. After all, everyone's putting their best self forward during the interview process. And you will never actually know what they really like to work with until you actually work with them. And having that conversation with this client a few months ago really prompted me to think back to some of the people that I've not loved working with, to put it mildly, in my career, to in particular stand out.
You know, one was just harsh. She was harsh and all around and everyone accepted that. And in a way that was easier because you knew where you stood. But the other was more challenging because on the surface, they seemed fine, like positive even at times. But every so often they just explode or they'd go off at somebody or a situation in a way that was anything but professional. It was intense and it was bullying and it was sporadic in a way that kind of kept everyone around them on edge. You just really never knew what to expect or what would set them off.
Now, in that particular experience, I was this person's manager's manager, so I was kind of a little removed. But I was the manager of the person trying to manage them and deal with the situation. And this person had an issue with their manager, mainly because I believe that they wanted that person's role. The manager was absolutely fine, great person to work with, really, really professional. So I'd often have to play the middleman when things were intense. And one morning I was on my driving. I had looked at my emails before I got in the car and I was like, Oh, dear God, here we go again. There's another fire to put up with this particular person.
And so I phoned my brother. My brother is a professor in psychology. He's a practising psychologist, research director of a company here in Melbourne that does huge things for mental health. And so, you know, he's a great person to have on call. And I called him and I asked for help. And what he said with me has stayed with me in the many years since that conversation. And I thought I'd share it in today's quick tip episode. So what he reminded me is that everyone has a feel to everyone, myself, every single person himself, all of that. We all have a filter made up of our experiences, background and education and so many other parts of life. And we use this filter to perceive what's happening around and to us. And so in today's Quick Tip episode, I kind of wanted to talk about this filter and also how we can when we understand that, how it can help us have less awkward or less horrible conversations.
I mean, no matter where you are in business, if you're just starting out, maybe it's your cousin who tells you, “Oh, my God, it's such a stupid idea. Why are you starting a business that's ridiculous. Why are giving up a good secure job to start your own business?” Or it could be that you have, you know, 20 staff and one of them's just not performing anywhere that you're in business, there will come a time where you have to have an awkward conversation or a horrible conversation with somebody.
And so today I want to give you some tips that my brother shared with me that I think will help. So, like I say, we have to first accept that we all have a filter. We all have kind of like a lens. So we see something. We hear something. We read a book. We listen to this podcast and it'll go through to our brains, but it'll go through a filter first. So, you know, as I was talking about the people that I worked with before that I didn't particularly enjoy all of working with them. You might have been thinking about your own people that you've worked with, or you might be like, oh, well, maybe Fiona's not a nice person to work with. All sorts of things can go on and be in that filter that's happening. So, you know, like I said, people use this to perceive what's happening around and to them.
And you have to remember that when you're saying something to somebody, when you're going to have this conversation, it first moves through your own filter and expectations of what you think should happen as a result of these conversation and then through their filter and then their own expectations and defenses about what's being said. So my brother, when I find him, he also reminded me to kind of cushion things. Now, I can be a pretty direct person at times. That's just how I am. I kind of sometimes it's like I just want to get stuff done. But also I try to kind of always try and make things as simple as possible. And often I'm told, you know, you take these complex ideas and you can make them simple. And so I think in the same way, on the flip side of that, sometimes it can come across that I'm just being kind of direct. And so he was kind of like, I would caution you to cushion things. And what he meant by that was to always open and close a conversation, whether it's in email, whether it's face to face, whether it's on social media, in a DM, always open in.
Is it in a positive manner - in a manner that promotes trust and empathy and understanding and it was great advice at the time and it since helped me on so many occasions, personal and professional, to stop and take a minute to consider how somebody else might be taking in what's happening and how I might cushion the opening and closing of something that I'm about to say.
But I think also to that I should add that if you haven't already done like a personality test, if I check out 16personalities.com or there are so many others, Adobe does creative type dot com, because I think me being aware that I'm direct is the first step even before perhaps this cushioning of things, me being aware of potentially downfalls of my own personality can help when I'm going into an awkward or less than amazing conversation with somebody. So that's that cushioning.
And I know that as we’re starting out this year, you know, 2021 already has shown us that it's not necessarily going to be light and rainbows and unicorns, that a lot of the crap from 2020 is going to carry through and potentially even escalate in some areas of the world. And so there may be difficult conversations that you're going to have in your personal life. You know, maybe you've got somebody in your life who supports a politician that you don't support or maybe they're anti-vaxxers and you're pro vaccine. Well, maybe it's something not so personal. It's more, you know, in your business where you have to have this conversation. And with any kind of influx of challenges comes the need for more difficult conversations.
Many of my clients last year and probably again this year, will and have had to reduce their staff. Some have had to find alternate suppliers because of supply chain issues. Others have had to figure out how to make working from home and home schooling and relationships work. I've got some clients in the UK right now who are going back to home schooling and that's causing all sorts of challenges for their business and for you, it might be different.
You know, it could be an issue with a supplier or manufacturer. It could be asking customers or clients to just have a bit more patience right now. It could be having to let staff know that a position is being made redundant. It could be asking staff to change their ways of working or even making super clear what a staff member isn't doing. You know, that they didn't do so well in 2020 and they kind of let it go because of everything else going on. But in 2021, you need them to kind of like pull their socks up or it could just be, you know, trying to keep the peace in your own home as we all figure out what 2021 is going to look like.
None of these are fun conversations and few of us, regardless of any experience, enjoy having to have them. But my brother was so helpful years ago when I was faced with this very challenging person. And so I spoke to him again recently to ask what he, as a psychologist, might say to small business owners who are having to make these choices and have these difficult conversations. And this is what he told me.
He said hard conversations are hard. That's the first thing to remember. You know, some important things to think about are what do you want to say? Consider this in advance and maybe even write it down, have clear statements that explain the reasons why this outcome is happening, acknowledge that it's hard. It is hard for the person on the receiving end. And like I said before, the filters, you don't know what's going in and out of them.
The other thing he said, don't get sidetracked by emotion from the other person, remain calm and remain on message. Keep this about the reasons and not the people, even if the other person tries to make it personal.
And last thing he said was do it in person if you can. And I know some people listening to this are in lockdown. Some people will have to do it by phone or video call. What he said is text or email is the absolute last option when it comes to personnel. Maybe it's OK for suppliers, depending on the history of the relationship and the potential there for picking up the relationship if things improve.
And finally, this is what he said. I guess as a boss, this is the most difficult element of being a boss or a leader in a small business. But some of the people that you have to have difficult conversations with or even say goodbye to now will be their own bosses down the track. Think about what you would want them to take and learn from this experience with you if they ever have to be in your shoes. And I think that last part is really important. You know, everywhere that we go, every experience, every situation, every person I believe is a chance to learn it is teaching us something. And in the same way, having these difficult conversations is a chance for you to learn how to show up as a good leader, how to shop as an example so that both parties leave on an amicable terms. You know, no one is immune from having to have difficult conversations. And by working through these ideas that I've mentioned, maybe we'll save ourselves and the person that we're conversing with. A whole lot of stress, anguish and resentment, so that is it for today's episode. I know it did go actually slightly over. I try and give myself a ten minute limit, but I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you found that useful.
You can find the full transcript of this if you kind of want to go through it again over at mydailybusinesscoach.com/podcast/67. Thanks so much for listening. See you next time.
Thanks for listening to My Daily Business Coach podcast. If you want to get in touch, you can do that at mydailybusinesscoach.com or hit me up on Instagram at @mydailybusinesscoach.
